I have a four-year-old son from my first marriage. I’m on decent terms with his mother, so our home life is fine, but I’ve had a hard time convincing women that I’ll be able to devote much time to them. I love my son, but I also want to start dating women again. The problem is that women hear “kid” and immediately picture weekends ruined by responsibility. I’m trying to sell the idea that I’m still available enough to matter.

How can I prove to women that I’m capable of entering into a legitimate relationship? Kids are a mixed bag, and no woman is going to get involved with a guy that has a kid, because they’re expensive, messy, and always passing judgment. Players don’t have kids, plain and simple, so you’ve got to explain away the baggage. You can’t walk in with a stroller of emotional debt and expect enthusiasm. At best, you need a story that makes your life sound manageable instead of cursed.

You’ve got to play your son off as something else. A cyborg. Women love sci-fi, Barry, and underage androids are a lot more functional than underage children. If “tucking your son in” means stuffing him into a closet and unplugging his battery, she’ll assume you’re flexible and low-maintenance. The joke works because it hides the real issue behind something absurd enough to feel harmless. That makes the whole package sound less like a burden and more like a quirk.

Besides, women will assume that your cyborg will become obsolete after a few years and stop requiring upkeep. Not true with real kids: they don’t leave the house until they’re 18, and the shoes alone might as well be a car payment. Loving your son and denying that he’s your flesh and blood are not mutually exclusive, Barry. A man can love a machine with the same fervor and passion that he loves humans. And if that sounds ridiculous, it’s because dating advice usually is.